4 Corners Quest - Day 10: Battle of the Four Corners

4 kids

4 Corners

Coincidence?

I think not.

The Monument is in the middle of nowhere, is not in the least attractive, added a good 3-4 hours of driving, and was considered of vital interest to the #4CornersQuest participants.

The above photo was planned and negotiated more than a few times by its participants. Who is to stand where?

Emily claimed New Mexico as her birthright.

In turn, Garrett wanted whatever state was closest to China, initially estimated to be Utah, given that China is north of whatever is below it, and Utah is north of Arizona.

Elizabeth, however, with her newfound love for Arches N.P., had her eye on Utah as well.

"Garrett, I think Arizona is closer to China. Right, dad?"

Catching what she was trying to do, knowing that neither kid had a clue which state was "closer" to China, not sure myself, and not averse to lying to decrease potential tension, I followed suit, "Yep, Arizona is like 5 or 6 feet closer on the angle. It's close, but has been survey verified."

All was well, as Elizabeth and Garrett made peace with their appropriate locations.

Louise, generally casual about things that don't actually matter, gladly accepted Colorado.

Border crossing and free-trade agreements are being negotiated.

4 Corners Quest - Day 9: Dr. Bronner's Many Uses

The Funk has arrived, and TheBowling6 is infected.

It has been aided by 9 days of open-toed shoes and reused underwear.

To counter this downward trajectory, Mom amps up the previous night's shower instructions:

"Tonight I want each of you to wash your ENTIRE body with Bronner's. TWICE."

Bronner's is kept in reserve for just such a moment as this.

Garrett, our most inadvertently entertaining one, responds, "Is that the smelly mint stuff? Thin body wash? I drank it once."

Never daunted in her quest to minimize group odor, Mom encourages him, "Garrett, you can put it wherever you want. The bottle says so." 

Don't just read the bottle.

Fight the Funk.

ENJOY ONLY 2 COSMETICS, enough sleep 4 Dr. Bronner's 'Magic Soap' to clean 

body-mind-soul-spirit instantly uniting One! All-One! Absolute cleanliness is Godliness!

4 Corners Quest - Day 8. Negotiating with a Teenager

Emily keeps thing simple:

• Plenty of sleep,
• Weekly trip to the library,
• Low cardio expectations,
• Instagram and iMessages, 
• Fall out Boy, and
• 4-5 meals per day. 

She's always had her pop's taste for food, willing to try just about anything and almost always liking it.
Does me proud.

• She's also a bit of a foodie:
• Not interested in junk food,
• Wants to eat local-owned,
• Appreciates the magical properties of cheese, and, most-recently, 
• A full-fledged New Mexico Hatch Green Chili convert.

Does me proud.
While normally quiet and unassuming, she has been a bit bossy of late.

• I want Breakfast Burrito!
• I want Fry Bread!
• Do we have any more Sopapillas?
• I want Navajo Taco!
• I want Fry Bread!
• When are we going to get more Green Chili?

Does me proud.

4 Corners Quest - Day 7: Time is Relative

Garrett was up at 5:45 this morning to stretch his legs and relieve himself from the previous night's imbibements.
When I woke the kids an hour later, he was curled up under his sleeping bag playing his double hand-me-down DS.
Maggie searched for answers, "G-man, after you went to the bathroom this morning, did you go back to sleep?"
"Well, um, the details are a bit hazy, but I laid real still for like 20 minutes, and then played my DS for maybe half a minute before dad came in.
"I was as surprised as you were when I saw how the time had passed."

4 Corners Quest - Day 7. Shut-Up Sighting

<Background Information>

4 kids,

3 daughters, including,

1 teenage and 1 preteen daughter.

14yo Emily has been pretty casual re: her flirting partners. A bit of fandom from afar (Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy fame), but not much more. A few grins and giggles.

12yo Louise has got it a bit deeper in her blood, more interest, more something or other... I don't even know how to say it.

What I do know is that boys, or the names of boys, or the fear that another may be talking about a boy she may or may not know, be interested in, or may be rumored to have interest in... what I do know is that this is dangerous ground.

<Scene One>

TheBowling6 are dwelling in some cliffs, taking advantage of binoculars to people watch, as Louise pretends to sight a boy Emily may or may not have interest in. Grin and giggle.

<end scene one>

<Scene Two>

Emily, still grinning and giggling, banters back the name of a boy that Louise may or may not have interest in.

Now, the male species would block such potentially embarrassing or accurate concerns with a well-placed 'Your Mama' joke or a punch in the gut. If only...

"Shut Up!" Louise reacts, and then, "You too!"

<end Scene Two>

<Scene Three>

The critical feature of the Scene 2 was *not* the bowing up between sisters, an unhealthy but not mind-blowing or unheard of engagement.

The critical feature, and be forgiven for not anticipating how the plot was about to turn, was the character to whom "you too" was directed.

The one you should least direct such towards, the matriarch, Mom.

Please understand that while the previously-provided documentation is based upon context clues and post-incident interviews, and while I was approximately 42' away from said incident and with my back turned, the remaining testimony was loudly and very clearly witnessed.

"No, (said with an implied 'OH', in front of it, as in 'oh no') 
"Are you kidding me?

"I don't think so

"I am your mother

"You don't say 'shut up' to AN Y ONE

"You most certainly don't say that to me. I brought you into this world, I will take you out."

There may or may not have been a few other things said that were cut from the scene to protect the Mrs. from further actions.  

<end Scene Three>

<After-Credits Scene>

Mom is given a shot of whiskey from our emergency supply kit.

Dad and Elizabeth are found crouched in a Kiva, praying that they dodge any cross-fire, hoping to make it through the night.

Garrett's post-event testimony has too many inconsistencies to be admissible. He is cleared of any charges, given his lack of motive or comprehension of what just went down.

Emily is found grinning and giggling with her thoughts of Patrick Stump.
Louise, ironically enough, is the one child who most certainly does "shut up".

<Fade to Black>

4 Corners Quest - Day 7. The Pottery Bubble

Just returned from Mesa Verde National Park. Spent one hour on a guided tour of Balcony House, so we now know everything about the Anasazi (recently renamed A.P. - "Ancient Pueblos") tribe.
They lived in masonry-finished cliff dwellings for 100 years or so. Things were relatively stable for the A.P. They spent the growing season tending squash, corn, and beans, but were bored during the dull winter months they lived in their kivas.
National Park guide Bill mentioned 1 or 3 or maybe 5 times that to pass the time, the men made arrowheads, and the women, pottery. Bill seemed to think that anytime a woman had a moment, she'd dash off to make clay pots, pipes, butter dishes, ashtrays, you name it.
The arrowheads were always in short supply; too many lost aiming for the beer bottles lined up across the canyon.
The pottery, however, stacked up. From what I can piece together with the museum displays and a bit of my own investigation, the A.P. women were a bit more responsible than their counterparts, and did not break or lose their goods. As a result, rooms intended to store dry goods ended up cluttered floor to ceiling with their crockery.
Now, here's where things get interesting, and a lesson is to be had by all. One of the young A.P. ladies fresh back to the cliff dwelling after finishing her MBA at Utah State, had a fateful idea, "Why don't we sell these on the side of U.S. Hwy 160 to passersby".
Soon, the A.P doubled down on their pottery work. They extended their working months througout the growing season, signed a 10-year lease on a recently vacated chotsky shop, branded it the "Anasazi Papparazi", and waited for customers.
Unfortunately, they waited for a long while, as U.S. 160 had not yet been constructed . The A.P. soon realized that they were the only people for hundreds of miles around (seeing at though their descendants, the Pueblo, Hopi, Zuni, etc. had not yet been born).
The A.P.'s over-investment in hand-made pottery did not match market demand, and the cliff dwellings were foreclosed upon, in what became the Great Pottery Bubble of 1272. A classic case of an idea before its time.

4 Corners Quest - Day 7: Junior Ranger Controversy

The National Park Service Junior Ranger program is a great means of keeping your kids busy while
you enjoy the park. With a free field guide of school-style worksheets and the promise of a plastic Made in China ranger badge, you and the Missus can actually spend a moment or two looking at the vistas and reading the museum displays.
While the younger generation may be running along the edge of a canyon trying to spot a lizard, or from one exhibit to another to find learn what the study of wood rings to determine age is called (Dendochronology, fyi), you can take a moment to write in your journal, try on authentic First People t-shirts, or buy a coffee.
With 3 active Junior Rangers, the Bowling parents have life pretty easy once we pay our National Park entrance fee.
Controversy erupted, however, when Garrett traded allegiances. In anticipation of his upcoming 10th birthday next week, G-man left the 8-9yo curriculum for the 10-12yo one. In turn, and possibly motivated by this very fact, he left his Irish Twin Elizabeth for older sister Louise. When it came time to partner up, he cooly attempted to look Elizabeth in the eye (didn't quite make it; she's got steely ones), and stood shoulder to shoulder with the older crowd.
For those of you who joined us on our trip to South Dakota, you may well remember Louise's penchant for winning at Car Bingo <see here>. Garrett was tearing up Mesa Verde Junior Ranger Bingo, finding and marking off sightings of lizards, yuccas, cliff dwellings, the ghosts of the Anasazi....
Elizabeth, no longer Garrett's partner in crime, called bu!!$hit no way, as she audited his bingo board.
"Garrett, if you falsify your bingo accomplishments, Notre Dame will fact-check your resume and you will lose your head coaching job before the season actually begins, relegating you to a small Florida college where while you do a great job, you can never quite get back to the national stage. Don't trade your soul for a plastic Made in China ranger badge."

4 Corners Quest - Day 6 - Fitbittered

FITBITTERED | adjective | \fit bit-er-d\ | origin: middle-class white America | The feeling experienced when one's exercise tracking device run's out of batteries just before attempting and/or accomplishing a cardio event, thereby preventing the wearer of said device from basking in the sense of accomplishment and bragging to their 'friends' on Facebook.

Examples:
Alan's recent laziness has been tracked and recorded for posterity on his iPhone app. When he finally worked up a small sweat walking amiably with his wife and kids for 2.6 (let's round up to) 4 miles, he was FITBITTERED to discover that his Fitbit Charge HR was out of batteries. 

How is Alan to 
know, verify and prove 
the exact length, average/peak heart rate, calories burned, 
AND, with his iPhone, show the GPS route
of his bimonthly exercise
with his FitBit batteries on the fritz?
He is FITBITTERED.

4 Corner Quest - Day 5 - Accidental Hipster

In the summer of 2000, the Mrs and I were newlyweds living the dream. 450 sq.ft. brown shag carpet apartment in the Upper West Side (of ABQ) overlooking the Mesa. Enough fundage to walk to Dion's
on Thursday night for $8 sub and salad combo with a $1 movie rental from Hastings.
Given the incoming bundle of joy, we took every weekend opportunity to hike and camp New Mexico. We had months to attempt what would take years to accomplish.
As Gus and Call fans, we found ourselves hiking a small slot canyon on the Cochiti Pueblo reservation, searching out the Lonesome Dove movie scenes. It was a great day and lasting memory; Maggie and I were alone in the wilderness, climbing and being told not to climb. Good stuff.
Things have changed a bit these last 15 years. Tent Rocks the hidden gem is now Kasha-Katuwe Tent Rocks National Monument, run by the BLM, with a pay station, parking lot, rules (about climbing things; apparently, the Mrs. was right on that one; something about "heritage site"). And being Memorial Day, it was just a bit crowded. Easily 200 people throughout the hike; as we went up the slot canyon, we had to wait for others to come down (the narrow passages); as we went down, we waited for those going up.
It is just possible that the adults in the family grumped a bit.
Back in the day, there was no one here. 
We just stumbled upon it and hiked right in.
I liked this place better before it was discovered. 
It's not cool anymore. 
Maggie and I were having a great time making sure our kids didn't have a great time, until the Mrs. blurted out, "We sound like hipsters!"
It cut me like a knife.
It was a close call.
In hindsight, our petrified memories were doing their best to prevent us from a loverly day, including:

• crisp blue sky with cumulus clouds rolling along,
• a 4-mile hike up a canyon with 5 of TheBowling6 having a great time,
• No one falling off any ledges or down any ravines,
• 12 perfect legs and 6 perfect heads,
• Post hike picnic with fresh tortillas, smoked Patak meat, and a High Life, 
• Followed up by a roadside-stand purchased Navajo Taco (the Pueblos call it "Indian Taco", but we all know the truth), and
• A small bit of memory romance with my Mrs. 

  

 

4 Corners Quest - Day 5: Nice & Cool & Comfy

Six Bowlings in one hotel room is a complicated formula, taking into consideration

• mood, 
• age, 
• available space, 
• previous and subsequent night's accommodations, 
• sleepiness factor, and 
• a bit of heartless parenting. 

Garrett, being the only boy, typically gets the short straw. If TheBowling6 were allowed to use the word 'fair' in their vocabulary (which they most certainly are not), one might observe an imbalance in the fairness market.
For one, he snores. Always has. Ear plugs are traded among the rest of us like prison cigarettes. Emily has been known to wash dishes for a pair. Those of us down on our luck, only able to afford a single ear plug, sleep with one ear protected and the other planted firmly into a pillow, unable to change sleep-sides throughout the night.
For another, he has slept without concern in just about into every available crevice we've put his way.
He typically scoffs at our attempt to thwart his sleep. Then he sleeps. Then he snores.
He's slept on:

• a folded velour blanket (the extra blanket hotels put in their closets in the mid-80's when velour was at its peak)
• the cushions of the fold-out couch,
• the bathtub,
• and, in the rarest moment, an honest-to-goodness, mattress with sheets, bed.

For this leg of the trip, Mrs booked a suite, with 2 queens and a fold-out couch. Six available spots, and one elephant in the room question: Who is sleeping with Garrett?
This question hung in the air of every lull of today's conversation, deflected multiple times with the Mrs.--patented "We'll see" until the moment of truth, as we were hustling them into their jammies.
Louise stepped up to the plate, volunteering to take the cot (TheBowling6 always has a cot on hand for our roadtrips).
Without a word spoken, the rest of us did the math:

• Louise on the cot. 
• Emily and Elizabeth share a bed. 
• Garrett get his own bed. 
• The world is a brighter place with Louise in tow.

Moments later, Garrett confides in his mama: "It's OK for me to sleep by myself. I like to do secret stuff."
Swallowing the bile in her mouth while perking up her ears, Maggie responds "Oh, really. Tell me."
"After prayers, 
when you leave, 
and it's dark, 
I take off my shirt, 
And then, 
I take off my pants, [pre-giggle giggle]
But not my underwear, [short moment of uncontrolled giggle]
Because it's nice and cool and comfy."

4 Corners Quest - Day 4: UnPacked

This is not our first road-trip rodeo. We've toured a bit as a family, and (in theory) learned a few lessons.

• You are your own mule. You carry what is yours.
• Pillows are a luxury item. Sometimes there's room for luxury in our lives; sometimes there isn't. 
• You don't need near as much as you want. There's a point in the metaphysical realm where stuff turns into crap.
• It is better to wash clothes than store dirty ones in the back of the hot van.
• TheBowling6 are unable to learn the lesson of the book: heavy, fragile objects which are better appreciated in limited quantities. 

In preparation of the 4 Corners Quest, the Mrs. developed a trip-specific packing list, including types and quantities, handed out 4 copies, sent the children upstairs, and assumed the best. As they returned down the stairs with a duffle in tow, she asked:

• Did you pack?
• Did you follow the list?

She failed to follow the advice of our former actor-President: Trust, but Verify.

• Emily brought one pair of socks.
• Louise did not bring a toothbrush.
• Garrett brought no underwear.
• Garrett brought no jammies.
• Garrett brought 2 t-shirts and 7 pair of shorts.
• Elizabeth fetched clothes out of the dirty clothes basket, adding a certain 'essence' to the rest of her bag. 
• Elizabeth packed a bottle of water, which opened and soaked all of her and her mother's clothes.

I was smrt enough to let the Mrs. pack for me. And, after a few verbal transgressions on previous trips, have learned to enjoy whatever is in there.

4 Corners Quest - Day 3. Reportable Offense

To fill the milliseconds of silence between the chatter, we find ourselves this evening talking of things to come after we get home.
"Garrett, you've got to go to the Doctor for your 10-year appointment," I offer with a level of ignorance I could never have predicted.
"She puts her cold hands on your private parts and then you scream," he responds without regard for his three sisters' proximity.
With unexpected insight, Louise chimes in, "Garrett, you would have screamed even if they weren't cold."
And to close it out, Garrett muses, "I don't even know why she does that. There's nothing wrong with my organ."

4 Corners Quest - Day 2 - Taking Care of the Essentials

1,350 miles of sitting on your fanny, consuming whatever random fare gets passed from one end of the van to the other, can take a toll on your insides. 
The Mrs. was tempted to alleviate certain fears by the grabbing lunch at the Tandoori Indian Food restaurant located within the Valero gas station in Shawnee, Oklahoma. Fortunately, I believe it is safe to say, my voice of reason prevailed. 
Rather, searching through the 1-gallon Ziploc pharmaceutical collection, we found daily-dose stool softeners.

TheBowling6 solidarity.

4 Corners Quest - Day 2. Can we go to the store?

I have no idea how to broach this topic with my girls. 

So when we started encountering 200 miles worth of billboards announcing its arrival, I stared ahead, kept quiet, and hoped for the best.
At the 37th billboard of the ad campaign, Emily finally notices. 

"Oh cool. They've got an entire superstore just for fantasy novels. Can we go!?"

 Silence. 

No help from the mom-character.

Silence. 

"Wait. Novel-ty. Oh... Huh, never mind."

Silence.

4 Corners Quest - Day 1 (as it ends)

Pulling into Conway, AR at midnight with 4 kids in tow, 3 sleeping fitfully while the teenager endlessly talks to her mama.
One room, please.
Two adults.
Two kids.

You know the drill. Or at least you do if you over-actively procreate.

You love God, you want to do right.
Not aiming to break the rules, but *not* about to double-down on the night's donation to the local economy by getting that 2nd room. That's why we brought the camping cot and sleeping pads.

The Mrs. is brazen. Doesn't care what I just told the hotel attendant. She's pulling every kid she can find through the hotel lobby. I don't even know 2 of them. The credit card has been run, my dear Sir, and the room is ours.

I, on the other-hand, am hiding behind the plastic palm tree across from yesterday's USA Today, wondering if I can pitch my hammock by the indoor pool to lessen our hotel-room occupancy load, and planning my morning fast to offset the entourage who will wake up in about an hour to devour the free breakfast with abandon.

4 Corners Quest - Day 1

T-minus 75 minutes until the kids return home, are swept into the waiting transport vehicle, and TheBowling6 begins our long awaited sequel to the 2011 Bowling Westward Roadtrip. We attempted to make this trip in 2013, to be thwarted by the government shut-down, and were forced to make the 2013 Eastcoast Jam.

17 days, ~4,500 miles, heading to the Albuquerque, Durango, Moab, 4 Corners, Grand Canyon and whatever else will get us out of the car. The Mountain Time Zone is our hearts' home. Took Emily to the 4 Corners when she was 2 months old. I held her crying self over the brass boiling_lava_hot monument. I''m gong to retake that shot with her 5'-9" self, if I can manage to pick her up. Pretty sure she'll cry again.

Garrett asked to stay home. "I don't like being in the car. My back gets sweaty and I always have to pee."
Mom's response: [silence]
Elizabeth's response: "No offense, but you can be pretty gross. I want to sit next to the girls."

Just removed Elizabeth's 5-foot body pillow from the van. Sneaky Pete.

So it begins...