4 Corners Quest - Day 13: Nothink

NOTHINK | verb | \noh thingk\ | origin: Nick @ Night | Acting without considerations anticipated or typically found with a person of certain age and/or maturity.
Nothink is most clearly noticed when it follows somewhat mature actions, which, on their own, lead others to believe NOTHINK is a thing of the past. It has a sneaky nature.

Examples:
Louise, Elizabeth, and Garrett were climbing up and down boulders along the side of the Grand Canyon. Upon being called back to the trail by their father, Louise NOTHINKED a 10 pound rock over the ledge just traversed by Garrett and called out "AVALANCHE", missing Garrett's head by inches. 

While walking along the main road of Tusayan, AZ, a gust of wind took Elizabeth's hat off and caused it to roll into the roadway. In a moment of NOTHINK,  she put her head down and barreled out into the incoming traffic. 

For people over the age of discretion, NOTHINK is often termed DUMASSERY. 

4 Corners Quest - Day 7: Junior Ranger Controversy

The National Park Service Junior Ranger program is a great means of keeping your kids busy while
you enjoy the park. With a free field guide of school-style worksheets and the promise of a plastic Made in China ranger badge, you and the Missus can actually spend a moment or two looking at the vistas and reading the museum displays.
While the younger generation may be running along the edge of a canyon trying to spot a lizard, or from one exhibit to another to find learn what the study of wood rings to determine age is called (Dendochronology, fyi), you can take a moment to write in your journal, try on authentic First People t-shirts, or buy a coffee.
With 3 active Junior Rangers, the Bowling parents have life pretty easy once we pay our National Park entrance fee.
Controversy erupted, however, when Garrett traded allegiances. In anticipation of his upcoming 10th birthday next week, G-man left the 8-9yo curriculum for the 10-12yo one. In turn, and possibly motivated by this very fact, he left his Irish Twin Elizabeth for older sister Louise. When it came time to partner up, he cooly attempted to look Elizabeth in the eye (didn't quite make it; she's got steely ones), and stood shoulder to shoulder with the older crowd.
For those of you who joined us on our trip to South Dakota, you may well remember Louise's penchant for winning at Car Bingo <see here>. Garrett was tearing up Mesa Verde Junior Ranger Bingo, finding and marking off sightings of lizards, yuccas, cliff dwellings, the ghosts of the Anasazi....
Elizabeth, no longer Garrett's partner in crime, called bu!!$hit no way, as she audited his bingo board.
"Garrett, if you falsify your bingo accomplishments, Notre Dame will fact-check your resume and you will lose your head coaching job before the season actually begins, relegating you to a small Florida college where while you do a great job, you can never quite get back to the national stage. Don't trade your soul for a plastic Made in China ranger badge."

4 Corners Quest - Day 4: UnPacked

This is not our first road-trip rodeo. We've toured a bit as a family, and (in theory) learned a few lessons.

• You are your own mule. You carry what is yours.
• Pillows are a luxury item. Sometimes there's room for luxury in our lives; sometimes there isn't. 
• You don't need near as much as you want. There's a point in the metaphysical realm where stuff turns into crap.
• It is better to wash clothes than store dirty ones in the back of the hot van.
• TheBowling6 are unable to learn the lesson of the book: heavy, fragile objects which are better appreciated in limited quantities. 

In preparation of the 4 Corners Quest, the Mrs. developed a trip-specific packing list, including types and quantities, handed out 4 copies, sent the children upstairs, and assumed the best. As they returned down the stairs with a duffle in tow, she asked:

• Did you pack?
• Did you follow the list?

She failed to follow the advice of our former actor-President: Trust, but Verify.

• Emily brought one pair of socks.
• Louise did not bring a toothbrush.
• Garrett brought no underwear.
• Garrett brought no jammies.
• Garrett brought 2 t-shirts and 7 pair of shorts.
• Elizabeth fetched clothes out of the dirty clothes basket, adding a certain 'essence' to the rest of her bag. 
• Elizabeth packed a bottle of water, which opened and soaked all of her and her mother's clothes.

I was smrt enough to let the Mrs. pack for me. And, after a few verbal transgressions on previous trips, have learned to enjoy whatever is in there.

4 Corners Quest - Day 1

T-minus 75 minutes until the kids return home, are swept into the waiting transport vehicle, and TheBowling6 begins our long awaited sequel to the 2011 Bowling Westward Roadtrip. We attempted to make this trip in 2013, to be thwarted by the government shut-down, and were forced to make the 2013 Eastcoast Jam.

17 days, ~4,500 miles, heading to the Albuquerque, Durango, Moab, 4 Corners, Grand Canyon and whatever else will get us out of the car. The Mountain Time Zone is our hearts' home. Took Emily to the 4 Corners when she was 2 months old. I held her crying self over the brass boiling_lava_hot monument. I''m gong to retake that shot with her 5'-9" self, if I can manage to pick her up. Pretty sure she'll cry again.

Garrett asked to stay home. "I don't like being in the car. My back gets sweaty and I always have to pee."
Mom's response: [silence]
Elizabeth's response: "No offense, but you can be pretty gross. I want to sit next to the girls."

Just removed Elizabeth's 5-foot body pillow from the van. Sneaky Pete.

So it begins...

Don't Mess with the Alarm

This past week my alarm failed. Never you mind why it failed. It has nothing to do with its age, with my receipt of the AM/FM radio clock just a few short years ago when I myself was granted the responsibility of getting off to school in sixth grade. I must say that after 20+ years of being dialed into 92.9 Z93 (until the Capitalist turds canceled the station), the tuner may occasionally get nudged just a hair, just a decimal degree, with the result of a blazing silence once the waking hour is struck.

With our children now in the school system, now maturing into responsible members of society, the occasional failure of my alarm is now found to spread its effects outwards, with its first victims of circumstances being our lovely 4th graders.

So I took them by car to school one day last week, missing the school bus but arriving in plenty of time before the first bell. All is well with the world...

Until tonight, as we put Elizabeth to bed.

"Mom, is Daddy's alarm working? Did he fix it? Because riding in the car in NOT fun."

"What's wrong," Maggie asked with naive compassion? 

"Well, when Daddy dropped me off, I barely got there in time. I didn't get to do my morning work (translation, "previous day's homework not yet complete and never revealed to my parents"), AND I don't get the good jobs, like writing the date on the board."

"We'll try better," Maggie tells her with feigned sincerity.

Writing the date on the board: it is a mighty fine job indeed.

Where We've Been So Far...

The Bowling Six is planning its next Westward Road Trip.
In our previous jaunt, we ventured up to Mt. Rushmore and had a fabulous time, as remembered here.

Below is a record of where we've been to date, with the intention of adding to the list next month.

The Bowling Six through 2012

Just how old is she?

Watching the opening scenes of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe with the kids. 

Trying to teach them about the events of the opening scenes: the Blitz, air raids, dad off to war, moving away to the country, etc.

They were rather more interested in the ages of the four Pevensie children, finally settling on Lucy (6), Edmund (8), Susan (11) and Peter (13). There was some controversy on Lucy's age.

Elizabeth: "She looks way older than 6. I think she's 7."

Garrett: "Dad, does she have a birthday in this movie, because she looks like she's 7."

Me: "We'll see." (magic words, handed down from generation to generation)

Elizabeth: "Well, I think she's 6 1/2"

Garrett: "Yeah, 6 1/2"

Laurel and Hardy

G: "Eliza, what's your name?"
El: "Garrett, you just said my name!?!"
G: "I'm just kidding. I don't want to know your name."

The Experiment

Garrett lost a tooth last night after after bedtime. He's lost most of his teeth during this part of the day, when he's bored (except for the one he pulled out while taking a cave tour in Colorado).

He performed a controlled experiment, whereby he did not tell anyone about the tooth, put it underneath his pillow, and waited to see what would be there when he awoke this morning.

It was a tooth.

After discussing with Elizabeth and determining that they were on to something big here, they both shared with me the story and their seemingly verified hypothesis about the nature of Fairies and Mothers. 

He asked for my corroboration. 

I deflected, "ask your mom," at which point they both clapped and cheered in anticipation. 

Why we do things...

In the car this morning, with Garrett (8) and Elizabeth (7):

G: "Uhmm, dad, is this car one year old?"

It isn't, but we bought a used one recently.

Me: "Sure"
G: "Cause we bought it in February, right?"
Me: "Yes"
G: "We bought a car in February because we needed something to drive. We bought a fridge [last week] because we needed one. And the Chinuntdets bought a house so Alex would have somewhere to put his dinosaurs."
El: "Yep, it's a pattern"

Wedding Plans

Watching Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End with the kids. Don't judge me; I voted for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. This is the 3rd or 4th time I've watched it, and I still don't understand the plot.
"Dad, why..." "I don't know"
"Dad, where..." "I don't know"
"Dad, who..." "I don't know. Just enjoy the action. Don't get too caught up with who is on whose side, for what purpose and intention. They're pirates; they're not to be trusted"

There was a slight difference of opinion as to the appropriateness of Orlando's marriage to Knightley, which occurs during a hurricane - maelstrom - sword fight with fish people.
Eliza, "They MUST get married again. That was NOT an appropriate wedding," upon which Louise replied, "Are you kidding, that was the coolest way to get married"

While I tend to agree with Elizabeth, Louise's method of choice is likely less expensive to host.

Bah Humbug

This Christmas i have been reminding mommy 10,000 times that i want a Ariel doll (i already have one but i want another one) and she says i already have one but i say i want another one she says no i scream and go to my room Bah Humbug

Mars vs. Venus

At supper tonight Eliza and Garrett proceeded to share their individual dreams. These are not the dreams of the future, but rather the Sunday-afternoon napping with the mouth half open and drool christening the pillow dreams of childhood. I'll let them speak for themselves:

Eliza: "I dreamed that we were playing on [the neighbors] trampoline, and then I came inside and Emily was in there because they [the neighbors, who shall remain nameless, to protect the innocent] didn't want to play with her anymore. And then I took her outside and we all became friends again and played together."

Garrett: "I was walking in the woods, and then someone came out with a sword, and then I beat him. I pressed a button, got into a helicopter, and then another guy shot a string up at me [interpret: zip line], and when he got into the helicopter I pressed a button, and then the helicopter blew up and I jumped out and landed on a motorcycle and pressed a button, and rode away."

Lost in Translation

Eliza's best friend and beau apparent is her young partner in crime Jackson (think Bonnie and Clyde, and then pray things turn out better for these two). While picking Eliza up from the Remec neighbors, the school day's events were downloaded to the adult moms.

Fellow kindergartener Mera Remec shares the day's drama: "Dobby got hit and had to get stitches."
Eliza breaks in, "Yeah, Jackson hit Dobby with a brick at recess."
At which point, Mera exclaims, "Eliza! It's not Dobby! It's Dobby!"
"That's what I said," Eliza responds, "Dobby got hit in the head with a brick."

What Eliza heard:
Mera:  "Dobby got hit and had to get stitches."
Eliza:  "Yeah, Jackson hit Darby with a brick at recess."
Mera:  "Eliza! It's not Dobby! It's Dobby!"
Eliza:  "That's what I said, Darby got hit in the head with a brick."

What Mera heard:
Mera:  "Darby got hit and had to get stitches."
Eliza:  "Yeah, Jackson hit Dobby with a brick at recess.
Mera:  "Eliza! It's not Darby! It's Dobby!"
Eliza:  "That's what I said, Dobby got hit in the head with a brick."

The adults were confused regarding the conflicting conversation amongst their kindergarteners, not realizing Darby's real name (and understanding the nuances of the conversation) until they met his mother a few days later.

"Sam" didn't market well

Had guacamole and salad for dinner, while the kids picked their favorite sandwich with carrots. The guac bowl must be guarded at all times, or the four vultures swoop in. After having my fill, I allowed the kids free reign to the remainder of the chips and guac.
Eliza and Garrett lost no time in eating and chatting through the guac process. Discussing guacamole and saying 'guacamole' is just about as much fun as eating it.
"I love avocados," Eliza says.
Struggling with the 2.5 seconds of silence within the conversation, Garrett asks, "Dad, is this really called 'guacamole'"?
"No Garrett, it's called 'sam', but no one would ever eat it with that name. I've been lying your entire life about this, and I am sorry."
Silence.
Eliza breaks it, "I like the name Steve."

Mr. the King, Ms. Parks (and don't forget Ms. Tubman)

Had to break the news to Eliza that she wouldn't be attending school tomorrow, a source of disappointment to us all. "Why", she asked.
"Because tomorrow is the celebration of Martin Luther King," mom replied.
"We learned about him. When he was a kid, he was playing with his friends and he had dark skin and his friends had light skin and their mom said that he could not come back to play with them. So when he grew up, he changed the law, because the law was unfair."
"There was another lady, who had dark skin, and she was sitting on the back of the bus. The people with light skin told her she had to go up to the front of the bus. She told them 'no', and then they arrested her."
For those paying attention to the details above, remember that to a kindergartener, sitting on the back of the bus is the highest honor, so Eliza's confusion is understandable.
Not to be outdone, Garrett chimes in, "I know about Harriet Tubman."

What I want for Christmas. (Eliza)

These Christmas wishes are as follow, consisting of mostly dolls and Barbies.
1. A Rapunzel Doll, (Not Barbie.)
2. Ariel Polly Pocket Water slide.
3. A Jasmine Barbie.
4. A Dry Erase board with a black marker.
5. An Ariel Barbie.
6. A proper coronation ceremony
I want all of these things, and will only like these things. Give me all of them please.

Mind over Matter

A shout out to Garrett and Eliza for learning to ride their bikes on Tuesday. Bowling dad took Garrett's training wheels off this past summer, hoping to spur him on; he just used the scooter instead. But with a bit of Emily encouragement and a helping of his own machismo, G-man picked up the bike, walked to the top of the driveway, and made it happen.

Eliza, distinctly not content at letting her bigger little brother bask in his own glory, quickly followed suit.

By Thanksgiving day, they were twirling through the streets, driveway and garage like a pair of pros.

Bowling Parents are once again grateful to check one more "too young to do this" item off of the list.

Bowling 2011 Roadtrip – Day 11: Daily Notable

We have 413 books in the car, because apparently we don’t have much else to do on this trip. One of the books in Eliza’s bag is "100 Days of School", centered on the first 100 days of school.

Today, Eliza used this book to practice counting to 100.

“... forty-eight, forty-nine, fivey, fivey-one, fivey-two, fivey-three...”

Should we correct her, or enjoy the cute?

Bowling 2011 Roadtrip - Day 7: Daily Notables

Eliza: “Mom, why does a skeleton have holes in its head?”
Garrett, interrupting before mom can answer, “Because it’s missing its eyeballs!”
Eliza, elated at this answer, “Get it!?!”
Not yet.

Eliza: “Mommy, what comes out of a Wazoo?”