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I just walked out of a Hydrology class at good ol' Ma Tech. I thought I knew what hydrology was. Thought I engaged in it on a regular basis at work. Thought I had actually taught others about the subject.
Apparently, I've been using the wrong word all these years, because what I thought was 'hydrology' must be something else. Today, in an hour of indecipherable rambling, I caught a glimpse of what the professor deemed as hydrology. Assuming he has the correct definition means that I don't know anything about hydrology, because I had no idea what he was talking about.
I am actually paying this place to make me feel dumb.

Vizzini: "Inconceivable!"
Inigo Montoya: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means"

facing your childhood fears

The Alan of the 80's was a bit different than the over-confident machismo you interact with today. Being the youngest kid in my neighborhood, and small for my age, I found myself partaking in the grand activity of watching others have fun.

For instance, I watched my friends conquer Zelda, play quarterback, pitch, pick first, cuss, talk about girls... I digress.

Not to say that there were no pleasures provided me. If anyone was needed to climb down into the storm basin to get the ball, I was your man (boy, I mean). Or, if a quick errand over to another's home to invite them out to play presented itself, and you could count on my fresh legs.

So it is now, at age 33, that I find myself faced with an enemy of all children of the 80's (that is, except for me, as I only watched other spew frustration): the Rubik's Cube. The Christmas present of my 8-year old daughter, who immediately asked her noble father to show her how to fix it. And seeing as though she still believes I hung the moon, I will spend the remainder of my natural born life tackling this object of wrath.

It is on.

Alexa is so easy

alexa is so easy to sass.

she told me to clean up and guess what i told her, WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME? and lexa gets angry.
( that is saying that i didn't want to do what alexa told me to do. she is not the boss of me.mommy is.)

sayings of an international travelling 4 year old

To help those who may be spending time with Garrett over the coming period effectively navigate conversation, Emily and Daddy present the following translations:

1. nuggle - snuggle, a modern concept in Garrett's life, prompted most heavily by observing Elizabeth snuggling, and deciding he wants some of that.
2. piderman - Spiderman, the superhero of choice
3. panking (spoken quietly, just barely moving the vocal chords) - spanking, as in "If you don't leave Mom's desk alone, you will get a panking"
4. nuggle bear - Snuggle Bear - the favorite bedtime companion of Alexa
5. Wes mah'm - Yes mam (again spoken quietly, just barely moving the vocal chords)
6. TOP IT! - Elizabeth, please cease and desist from your currently activities, as they are cramping my style.
7. pillow - like Pee Wee's laugh word, this is the trigger word for instant hilarity (props to Mr. Anderson Chinuntdet)
8. top apeating me! - generally spoken to Louise, the most calculating of both little and big sisters.
9. phine ferb - Phineas and Ferb, the bastion of excellent cartooning in the modern age.
10. footit - see pillow

Li-Lu tidbits

To help those who may be spending time with Elizabeth over the coming period effectively navigate conversation, Emily and Daddy present the following translations:

1. brathroom - bathroom
2. I hink... - I think
3. NO! - no, thank you, but I appreciate the consideration
4. HEY! - please cease and desist from your current activity, as it is impeding my space
5. what in tah-nation? - What exactly is going on that is causing such a loud hub-bub?
6. what's all the wukus? - A slightly less patient version of the above.
7. bibary - library, where she is known among the gates
8. Yexa - Alexa, as in Cosgrove, the tallest non-adult in Eliza's life, who doesn't mind full sprint hugging.
9. momma - Emily
10. mudder - Mommy
11. yesh ma'hm - OK, fine, will you please let me go about my day.
12. Missah Dwew - Drew, as in Cosgrove, the tallest adult in Eliza's life, who doesn't mind full sprint discipline.
13. Miss Dwillian - Jillian, the last of the Cosgroves, who is probably more interesting than that particular description, but we'll stick to it none-the-less.
14. Jah!?! - modern derivation of the original 'Duh!?!'
15. bbs room - Eliza's bedroom, named after.... well, we don't know where the name came from.
16. bitamins - the gummy chews in the top cabinet mom gives out every once in a while.