new people to hold me

I have met two more sets of older, white-haired, easy-going people this past month. There's a Grandpa and Grandma Belle (both makers of excellent breakfast with very few tomatoes), who live in a small place that overlooks the beach. ("Wa-tuh!! Wa-tuh!!") And then there is Grandma and Boo, who live in a place with lots of plants and a long driveway to ride my bike on as long as Eliza hasn't snatched it. All folks are very nice and are quick to pick me up and give me stuff, and are not as pushy about what I eat as Mommy and Daddy are.

2008-May-30th 8:45pm

42 minutes after bedtime and I'm still confounded by this new contraption mommy put on my door. now i cannot turn the knob when i get out of bed. i don't know what the problem is... just because i choose to express my rights as a citizen of this great country, jump out of my crib, and wander around the house six or ten times a night for hours and hours is NO REASON to resort to such measures. i'm going to have to take this up with my lawyer, as soon as i'm old enough to request legal council.

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

This past week I celebrated turning five by entertaining Summer & Autumn for lunch at Applebee's (my first and only choice), driving down to Gramma Gramma's (don't tell GA State Patrol), swimming under my mom's legs in the pool, riding my big girl bike and eating lots and lots and lots of ice cream (possibly even sneaking in a couple of bites when Mom wasn't looking). Turning Five is great. But now Dad keeps expecting me to act older, which is getting to be a drag.
My favorite gifts are:
1. Hug from Daddy,
2. Reading stories with Daddy,
3. Blogging with Daddy (can you tell who is editing my work here?)
4. Ja-zell Barbie doll,
5. Ja-zell's Ikea dresser.

I'm still waiting for the keys to the universe. Maybe next year.

Dwell in the comprehension that another loves you? Lie in that place of rest? Need to have an understanding of what love is, love defined to a depth wherein serenity lies.

God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.Romans 5:8

The words of love are unfulfilling: they may excite the ears and calm the nerves, but you will not rest long with them. They are empty bedfellows.

We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us;
1 John 3:16a

Love is comprehended through mutual experience. For one to remain faithful, to continue to care for you even as they witness, experience and suffer as a result of they reality of who you are (and are not), in these times the comprehension of what love is is birthed, established, accepted, settled into, and poured over our heads with peace.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:8
To be able to rest, to sleep deeply, to be a bit careless in your life... you must be loved unconditionally by someone truly trustworthy. To learn what it is to love, we must be loved in this defining manner.

He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul;
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for Thou art with me;
Psalm 23:2,3,4

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Garrett is in a very different spot than Emily, Louise and Elizabeth. Maggie is 'Mama' and I am 'Daddy', but while those are deeply ingrained and comforting roles and words and people to Emily, Louise and Elizabeth, they are just names of two tall people who are generally nice to him. Garrett has not the experience with either of us to rest fully in our presence. He does not yet know what love is.
So every day, as he causes and finds and gets into the trouble of being a two-year-old, he is suffering in the fear and anguish of in-experience... he does not know what love is. I can whisper those cliched words over him ("I love you"); none of it will settle over him until time and experience reveals love to him.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us.1 John 4:18-19

As a parent for seven years, I have not really thought this responsibility. I understand how folks struggle with God's love because they do not know His definition, have not experienced and therefore been taught what love is. It is an emotional risk to give and receive this love. I am commissioned to bring Gods' love into Garrett's life, into all of my children's lives. It hurts to watch him not rest in my love. God must suffer as sees most of his creation not rest in Him. As we have been home these three months with Garrett, I believe I have learned a bit of this suffering.

Be gracious to me, O God, according to Thy lovingkindness;
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Psalm 51: 1,2,7

bring on Narnia

I just finished Dawn Treader... next up: Silver Chair. I like that the books are adventurous, that kids are such important characters, and I like Aslan.

confessions of a moody four year old

I've spent this past month practicing for adolesence. It is easy, if you just work on not answering questions asked of you, searching for reasons to be sad and find all forms of "It's unfair!"

Navarre Beach was great - I wanted to move there, and go to the beach and hottub everyday. If dad would just stop insisting that I shower all the time.

shrugs,
lkb

night owl

while in florida with Peepa and Boww, I learned the fine art of taking advantage of a crowded condo surrounded by sleeping kids... it starts with climbing out of every contraption provided for my sleeping security: first the bed with pillows (almost too easy to mention), then the pack-n-play. Mommy sure was amused when she found me with the lights on playing... at least the first 3 times she was. I wasn't too keen on Daddy's solution, with me under his foot on the cold tile floor at 10:30 CST. And everyone seemed so impatient with me the next day when I cried 70% of the time I was awake. Go figure.

My Diary, Day 67

You won't believe what they have here... my Mom loves these things... she drives the car up to a little board, hollers out the window, then drives the car up to a window, where a person leans out and hands her food!! When we first got here, we went a LOT- to a place with a red chicken on the sign- and I was getting some good stuff there. Lately, though, she only gets stuff for her even though I say "hey, Mommy! Eat! Eat!" so she will give me something.

We haven't gone to the red chicken place in a while, but she still goes to this one place A LOT... the sign has green letters and a lady with a tail like a mermaid... kind of lame, I never get anything there....

i love my mom

now is the time for all daughters to come to the aid of their mothers...

what I love about my mom:

1. "she's sweet and helpful and helps our family"
2. "I love her"
3. "she's the best mom in the Bowling family"
4. "she feeds us"

iwann momme (our ruler's perspective on a day *not* made for her

wahn helllp
mom-mee
wahn helllp

i do it

I DO IT!!

I DO IT!!!!

mommy's day

as is my want, i generally forgot about mother's day, even with teachers and sisters reminding me... sounds vaguely reminiscent of my father (who failed to remind me).

what I love about my mom:

1. "she tells us stuff to do so that we can do the right things"


2. "I love her"


3. "I like her"


4. "she feeds us"

where is Thy Victory?

In my sophomore year at Tech, a friend of my friends was killed in a hunting accident - freak of nature, no one to hold blame. He was 20ish and a leader within the Jesus community. His funeral was uncommon... a time of worship and healing not bound by the physical arena in which we gathered. 12+ years ago, and I am still there.

O Death, where is your victory? O Sheol, where is your sting? - Hosea 13:14

Church is nice, generally. Stick around long enough and you'll find pretty good reasons to complain; but it is generally worth it. Folks seem to like having their kids there at least, even if they mind going themselves. After enough time and you can identify yourself as a christian: congratulations.

You can baptize, commune, give, offer, sacrifice... pick a faith and take a chance with it. We preach that sincerity is more important than the substance of your faith; as long as you meant to believe something good, you should be in shape for the next step.

And then let Death introduce himself. Not quickly, where pride and courage and adrenaline create an exoskeleton defense of your soul. Let Death come slowly, over months, with pain and numbness and lack of control, with people poking and prodding and praying and laying hands on you... with Death not stopping his advance.

He will win; you will die. Your flesh will be emptied and the who of who you are will change; it is going somewhere else... or is it? Your creed and tradition and hope may point your mind to a "belief". But a metaphysical intervention is required to face Death with hope. Our beliefs are pleasant, but they do not create redemption, nor do they overcome the world outside of us. Victory over Death does not come from within. We will all meet and be overtaken by Death... all of us. We are not capable of survival... we don't even understand what we are battling.

Litmus Tests:
Peace in the face of Death. Do you know the presence of God and rest in His care, not merely resolved to face Death with 'dignity'? This is a gift from beyond our selves, from beyond rational comprehension.
Joy in the grip of Death. This is ludicrous, and counters the instinct of the cells that intertwine to form us. The look forward to what is next, in a trust that the One is there, where you are going, and He cares for you, and will take care of you.

... we cry out, "Abba! Father!" - Romans 8:15

Sunday school and scripture memory and church attendance and gray hairs... an open mind and educated background, the words and works of those come before us... none of these birth Joy. It is a gift handed, poured over your head from One who knows and understands and gives Victory over Death.

He will swallow up death for all time, and the Lord YHWH will wipe tears away from all faces. - Isaiah 25:8

thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ... therefore, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain. - II Corinthians 15:57-58

Not necessarily worried about what comes next, but rather how you face Death when he knocks: in the now, you can pretend... you can not worry about it, put it out of your mind. Lord knows it isn't a pleasant subject. And then you can hope that when your 'time comes', it is quick and you won't be given much time to think about it. You can put hope in your 'beliefs' and whatever direction they provide for you. I have never witnessed someone facing Death at peace and with joy from their beliefs; I'm skeptical of our power to prepare for Death. But I have witnessed Jesus reaching down with His peace and joy and calming one's soul down and readying His brother to come home.