UNDER THE SAME SKY

http://shortfictionbreak.com/under-the-same-sky/

4 Corners Quest - Day 9: Dr. Bronner's Many Uses

The Funk has arrived, and TheBowling6 is infected.

It has been aided by 9 days of open-toed shoes and reused underwear.

To counter this downward trajectory, Mom amps up the previous night's shower instructions:

"Tonight I want each of you to wash your ENTIRE body with Bronner's. TWICE."

Bronner's is kept in reserve for just such a moment as this.

Garrett, our most inadvertently entertaining one, responds, "Is that the smelly mint stuff? Thin body wash? I drank it once."

Never daunted in her quest to minimize group odor, Mom encourages him, "Garrett, you can put it wherever you want. The bottle says so." 

Don't just read the bottle.

Fight the Funk.

ENJOY ONLY 2 COSMETICS, enough sleep 4 Dr. Bronner's 'Magic Soap' to clean 

body-mind-soul-spirit instantly uniting One! All-One! Absolute cleanliness is Godliness!

4 Corners Quest - Day 7. Shut-Up Sighting

<Background Information>

4 kids,

3 daughters, including,

1 teenage and 1 preteen daughter.

14yo Emily has been pretty casual re: her flirting partners. A bit of fandom from afar (Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy fame), but not much more. A few grins and giggles.

12yo Louise has got it a bit deeper in her blood, more interest, more something or other... I don't even know how to say it.

What I do know is that boys, or the names of boys, or the fear that another may be talking about a boy she may or may not know, be interested in, or may be rumored to have interest in... what I do know is that this is dangerous ground.

<Scene One>

TheBowling6 are dwelling in some cliffs, taking advantage of binoculars to people watch, as Louise pretends to sight a boy Emily may or may not have interest in. Grin and giggle.

<end scene one>

<Scene Two>

Emily, still grinning and giggling, banters back the name of a boy that Louise may or may not have interest in.

Now, the male species would block such potentially embarrassing or accurate concerns with a well-placed 'Your Mama' joke or a punch in the gut. If only...

"Shut Up!" Louise reacts, and then, "You too!"

<end Scene Two>

<Scene Three>

The critical feature of the Scene 2 was *not* the bowing up between sisters, an unhealthy but not mind-blowing or unheard of engagement.

The critical feature, and be forgiven for not anticipating how the plot was about to turn, was the character to whom "you too" was directed.

The one you should least direct such towards, the matriarch, Mom.

Please understand that while the previously-provided documentation is based upon context clues and post-incident interviews, and while I was approximately 42' away from said incident and with my back turned, the remaining testimony was loudly and very clearly witnessed.

"No, (said with an implied 'OH', in front of it, as in 'oh no') 
"Are you kidding me?

"I don't think so

"I am your mother

"You don't say 'shut up' to AN Y ONE

"You most certainly don't say that to me. I brought you into this world, I will take you out."

There may or may not have been a few other things said that were cut from the scene to protect the Mrs. from further actions.  

<end Scene Three>

<After-Credits Scene>

Mom is given a shot of whiskey from our emergency supply kit.

Dad and Elizabeth are found crouched in a Kiva, praying that they dodge any cross-fire, hoping to make it through the night.

Garrett's post-event testimony has too many inconsistencies to be admissible. He is cleared of any charges, given his lack of motive or comprehension of what just went down.

Emily is found grinning and giggling with her thoughts of Patrick Stump.
Louise, ironically enough, is the one child who most certainly does "shut up".

<Fade to Black>

4 Corner Quest - Day 5 - Accidental Hipster

In the summer of 2000, the Mrs and I were newlyweds living the dream. 450 sq.ft. brown shag carpet apartment in the Upper West Side (of ABQ) overlooking the Mesa. Enough fundage to walk to Dion's
on Thursday night for $8 sub and salad combo with a $1 movie rental from Hastings.
Given the incoming bundle of joy, we took every weekend opportunity to hike and camp New Mexico. We had months to attempt what would take years to accomplish.
As Gus and Call fans, we found ourselves hiking a small slot canyon on the Cochiti Pueblo reservation, searching out the Lonesome Dove movie scenes. It was a great day and lasting memory; Maggie and I were alone in the wilderness, climbing and being told not to climb. Good stuff.
Things have changed a bit these last 15 years. Tent Rocks the hidden gem is now Kasha-Katuwe Tent Rocks National Monument, run by the BLM, with a pay station, parking lot, rules (about climbing things; apparently, the Mrs. was right on that one; something about "heritage site"). And being Memorial Day, it was just a bit crowded. Easily 200 people throughout the hike; as we went up the slot canyon, we had to wait for others to come down (the narrow passages); as we went down, we waited for those going up.
It is just possible that the adults in the family grumped a bit.
Back in the day, there was no one here. 
We just stumbled upon it and hiked right in.
I liked this place better before it was discovered. 
It's not cool anymore. 
Maggie and I were having a great time making sure our kids didn't have a great time, until the Mrs. blurted out, "We sound like hipsters!"
It cut me like a knife.
It was a close call.
In hindsight, our petrified memories were doing their best to prevent us from a loverly day, including:

• crisp blue sky with cumulus clouds rolling along,
• a 4-mile hike up a canyon with 5 of TheBowling6 having a great time,
• No one falling off any ledges or down any ravines,
• 12 perfect legs and 6 perfect heads,
• Post hike picnic with fresh tortillas, smoked Patak meat, and a High Life, 
• Followed up by a roadside-stand purchased Navajo Taco (the Pueblos call it "Indian Taco", but we all know the truth), and
• A small bit of memory romance with my Mrs. 

  

 

4 Corners Quest - Day 4: UnPacked

This is not our first road-trip rodeo. We've toured a bit as a family, and (in theory) learned a few lessons.

• You are your own mule. You carry what is yours.
• Pillows are a luxury item. Sometimes there's room for luxury in our lives; sometimes there isn't. 
• You don't need near as much as you want. There's a point in the metaphysical realm where stuff turns into crap.
• It is better to wash clothes than store dirty ones in the back of the hot van.
• TheBowling6 are unable to learn the lesson of the book: heavy, fragile objects which are better appreciated in limited quantities. 

In preparation of the 4 Corners Quest, the Mrs. developed a trip-specific packing list, including types and quantities, handed out 4 copies, sent the children upstairs, and assumed the best. As they returned down the stairs with a duffle in tow, she asked:

• Did you pack?
• Did you follow the list?

She failed to follow the advice of our former actor-President: Trust, but Verify.

• Emily brought one pair of socks.
• Louise did not bring a toothbrush.
• Garrett brought no underwear.
• Garrett brought no jammies.
• Garrett brought 2 t-shirts and 7 pair of shorts.
• Elizabeth fetched clothes out of the dirty clothes basket, adding a certain 'essence' to the rest of her bag. 
• Elizabeth packed a bottle of water, which opened and soaked all of her and her mother's clothes.

I was smrt enough to let the Mrs. pack for me. And, after a few verbal transgressions on previous trips, have learned to enjoy whatever is in there.

First Generation

Maggie gave me a wonderful Christmas present a few years back: Portland General Store Whiskey Aftershave. It is truly lovely.

Being a full-time tweaker, I've ventured into the world of homemade aftershave, and am introducing sok’s Made in the USA, never tested on animals, GMO-free aftershave products. Introducing them, actually, on unsuspecting male family members and a few close friends this Christmas. My adoring wife Maggie has signed off on their quality; a sign of her affection for me or quite possibly her appreciation for their bouquet.

Introducing the following first generation products (with anticipated future changes in red):

The Shop, my attempt to capture the soul of a proper barber shop: 2 c vodka, 8 tsp dark rum, ½ tsp ground Allspice, 2 sticks cinnamon, 2 orange zests.

Open Field: 2 c vodka, 1 c witch hazel, ¼ c glycerin, 20 10 drops of peppermint, 20 drops of eucalyptus, 30 drops of lavender.  

Mint Tea: 1 ½ c white rum, ¾ c witch hazel, 3 tsp glycerin, 20 10 drops of peppermint, 30 drops of tea leaves.

Old Town: 6 tbl apple cider vinegar, 3 tbl witch havel, 1 tbl glycerin, 1 stick cinnamon, 6 whole allspice, 10 drops of orange essence. This went putrid towards the end, and was never bottled.

My muse, Whiskey Jack: ½ c Kentucky Whiskey, ¼½ c witch hazel, 1 tsp glycerin, 5 3 cloves, 5 3 whole allspice, 1 stick cinnamon, 10 5 drops of orange essence.

Mix in Mason jar, stirring daily for two weeks, while keeping in the dark. Not sure why in the dark; I think it has something to do with cutting off then end of the Christmas ham the way my grandma always did it. 

Where We've Been So Far...

The Bowling Six is planning its next Westward Road Trip.
In our previous jaunt, we ventured up to Mt. Rushmore and had a fabulous time, as remembered here.

Below is a record of where we've been to date, with the intention of adding to the list next month.

The Bowling Six through 2012

Pinterest fail.

Is it focus, or lack thereof

After a late night adventure with Dad and Eliza (in the car at 10:30pm, asleep at 10:45, in bed at midnight), and the morning spent at church, Garrett was burnt, just barley functioning, ready for a nap.
"Upstairs, and directly to bed," mom ventures, in what seems to be clear instructions.
Twenty minutes later, as we hear a door open and close, Maggie finds him in his floor playing with Legos. "To bed with you," she shoos him under the covers, head on pillow, lights out.
Ten minutes later, finding him up again, Maggie's patience begins to get tested. But as evolving parents, we try reason, "Garrett, you are very tired, you are grumpy and are crying too much. You need to go to bed. Garrett, (we assume that starting every sentence with his name helps Garrett realize that we are specifically talking to him), you went to bed late last night, were up early this morning, and will be up late tonight. Tomorrow is a school day, and you need some rest. I want you to get in your bed and go to sleep. Do you understand?"
"Uhm, yes."
Three seconds pass.
"Mommy, I have a question." 
"Yes"
"Can I get up and play?"

A glimpse of things to come...

The Bowling house is blessed with dozens of mature oaks, shading us from the summer heat and establishing an adventurous childhood setting. While the beauty is idyllic, the constant encroachment of nature unites Bowling dad with suburbanites across this great nation in the trench warfare of grass-growing.

In our sixth season, the movement of fallen leaves from green to brown areas of the property has been effectively mastered, spurred on by Bowling mom's desire for order, dad's desire to be outside away from the noise of the kids, and the children's desire to make leaf piles. A solid 6-hour day (replete with Waffle House and Target toy section bribery) cleanses the yard of its accumulated debris... almost.

For while we have historically had squirrels living in every part and parcel of our land (a bit on this matter found here), they do not care for our acorns. The tiny little buggers escape the rakes, ignore the blowers, and are too many to count. At the end of clean-up day, you are too tired to care about such trivialities, allowing nature to outflank Bowling dad and sow the seeds to next Spring's patchy-grass.

While the property's rodents have proven uninterested in these acorns, the children proved otherwise, spurred on by a simple "Penny an Acorn" trade in program, modeled off of the questionably successful city's Anonymous Gun Buy Back Program the family volunteers at each year.

In the one hour program window, Emily and Louise partnered with the neighborhood Huck Finn to collect 1,100 acorns, split 3 ways, walking away with $4.00 each (I rounded up). Elizabeth and Garrett (and let me be clear who was in charge of this venture) continued working while Bowling dad counted the other team's earnings, and then begged for an extension. After two hours of collection, they turned in 2,200 acorns ($12 for Eliza, $10 for Garrett (don't ask)). Bowling mom was not pleased with Bowling dad. Bowling dad sees this as an investment in next year's greenery.

Bowling 2011 Roadtrip - Day 7: Daily Notable

In preparation of our death-defying journey up the tramway and down the alpine slide (run by those who originated such adventures in Gatlinburg, Tn) in Keystone, SD (where they make beer for cool rednecks), Garrett turns to Mags, “Are you going to duct tape us on the slides?” Pause. It’s been a long time since we duct taped Garrett to anything for an extended period of time; why did this come up now? Pause, observing our surroundings, “Video tape, Garrett. No, we are not going to VIDEO tape you on the slide today.”

Bowling 2011 Roadtrip - Day 2: Redneck Homeschool Day

Spent the morning swimming in Kentucky Lake on the Tennessee River. Mags asks after an hour wading in the roped off swimming area, “Why is it that people think that swimming in lakes is redneck?” I’m not sure how to begin:

• the rules about who can wear bikinis is different on lakes, 
• the group buffet table consists of white bread, bologna, and Miller Lite, 
• there’s no salt in the water to filter the urine, 
• the cumulative weight of our 6-person family is well below average.

After a lunch of sliced cucumbers and Buddig ham, we showered the kids and ventured over to Home Place, a well-done mock vintage village. Maggie reminded the kids freshly returned from Roanoke Island, “We’ve gone from the 1580s to the 1850s”. I had to be talked out of buying Garrett a 4’ long wooden rifle. Maggie was right; he would likely knock Eliza into next week before we made it home. Staying with some friends in Colorado Springs next week, so in appreciation, we bought Blackberry Jam and Chow Chow; you’re welcome.

After chasing sheep and asking why people grow tobacco, we headed to the planetarium, where Garrett used his $2 entry fee into the star chart movie to take a solid snore-filled nap. As we walked the museum to learn the local history, our refreshed son cleared up one of American history’s longest running errors: “Mom, that’s not a bison, that’s a buffalo.” Yet another misinformed generation.

To close it out, upon arrival at dinner, a rather fabulous fried catfish affair, Eliza asked at volume 8.5, “Mom, can we have Appletizers?”

Off to bed…

Why I Love My Mom

1. You give me treats
2. You take me to school
3. You make me happy
4. I love you and you love me
5. You take care of me

Happy Mother's Day.

Why I Love My Mom

1. You're funny
2. Loving
3. Pretty
4. Nice
5. Sweet
6. Funky
7. Groovy
8. Good at Dancing
9. Awesome
10. Cool

Happy Mother's Day

Why I Love My Mom

1. You are understanding
2. You're awesome
3. You are a good cook
4. I don't have anything for number 4
5. You love me
6. You homeschool me
7. You read a lot (like me!)
8. You give me a home, love and FOOD
9. Again, food
10. You understand me

Happy Mother's Day.

Why I Love My Mom

1. You know what I want and need
2. You give me souvenirs
3. You're snuggly
4. You're pretty
5. You're awesome

Happy Mother's Day

Meet Jeff Foxworthy

We have a friend who is a little boy. For the sake of this post, we'll name him 'Alex'. As is common with little boys, he has a childlike voice, a tendency to insert words that he does know when encountering a phrase of words he doesn't know, and a bit of natural machismo.

Alex has a big brother. We'll call him 'Andy'. Andy does a thorough and respectable job raising up Alex. They practice fisticuffs and launching things at each other. Good, red-blooded, Republican-value, American things for boys to do.

Emily and Louise pass the time been imitating Andy and Alex.
Emily, being the older of the sisters, plays Andy: "Put 'em up, put 'em up".
Louise, being the younger of the sisters, and the comedian, responds just as Alex does, in imitation of his brother "Pea um buh... Pea um buh...", which is loosely transcribed "Peanut buttah... Peanut buttah..."

Louise has her hands up, fists balled together, rotating her arms to and fro like an Old World pugilist, grinning ear to ear, dancing the floor of our bedroom this morning. "Peanut buttah... Peanut buttah."

Maggie and I do not recognize the language, but giggle at the reference. Louise, seizing the moment, leans over, grabs Maggie's stomach, and repeats "Peanut buttah... Peanut buttah..." We all laughed (some more than others) and Louise slid out the door before any repercussions could be wrought.

"The events depicted in the blog are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental."

Better watch your back, part 1

So I was sitting in the living room a bit ago, quietly reading or the like, when I hear Eliza and Maggie coming down the stairs.
"Mudder, if Garrett and Daddy were dead, then we could have all girls living in this house."
How to you prepare for this?

Alexa is so easy

alexa is so easy to sass.

she told me to clean up and guess what i told her, WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME? and lexa gets angry.
( that is saying that i didn't want to do what alexa told me to do. she is not the boss of me.mommy is.)

Comtemporary Education

"Mom, what's nonfiction?", Independent Bowling asks while contemplating her dinner.

Swallowing her food while determining how best to explain the abstract concept, Mom replies "Well, fiction is a story, like"

To be interrupted by Reading Bowling, "like Narnia."

Followed up by Independent Bowling "AND Junie B Jones!"

Brief Pause.

Mom continues, "And nonfiction is an account that is true, like"

To be interrupted by Reading Bowling, "like the Middle Ages."

Followed up by Independent Bowling "AND Dinosaurs!"

Another pause.

Mom continues, "Nonfiction can also be something true about a person, which is called biography, like"

To be interrupted by Reading Bowling, "like Eleanor Roosevelt."

Followed up by Independent Bowling, "AND Elvis!"