The Liza Lexicon

Eliza has a peculiar ability to change words. They come into her ears, are transferred into something different, and then are re-spoken in their made-over glory.

Now, you might say, "she's 4, it's okay for her to do that." And you would be right. However, these little verbal mishaps are extreme in their creativity, and are even more amazing considering Eliza's assurance that she is saying them correctly.

A handy list:

1- Barbie's Johnny-Q- Johnny's BBQ

2- Norfolk Jelly- New York Deli

3- Grandpa's Pond- Uncle Seth's Pond, a place we visited in Martha's Vineyard

4- The Gummy Man- the "dummy" that we saw the Coast Guard use to perform a fake rescue whilst on the Martha's Vineyard Ferry

5- Rollacoke- The World of Coke

6- Miss Jillian is "on a mission"- uttered when Miss J was out of town hooping it up with her friends, most decidedly NOT on a mission, at least not the good kind.

7- Do you buhmember?- Liza for "do you recall this certain event?"

8- Marfew's Bin-yar- Martha's Vineyard

9- This isn't a specific word, but she does have this quirky habit of calling our friends' husbands their "daddies". As in, "Miss Jillian's daddy is Mr. Drew". This confusion came about when she wondered why Jillian didn't live with her father, who resides in another state. When I explained to her that most kids grow up and move away from their parents, she was totally pumped.

"When can I do dat?" she wanted to know.

Wedgie Store

In post-birthday party letdown, as the sugar highs were dissipating, each of the Bowling Four were lounging rather complacently. Garrett was walking in circles through the living room blowing his party favor and giggling to himself.

"Emily, go sit on your brother", I suggested, in hopes to break his cycle.

Within moments, each of the children were taking turns sitting on each other, an activity that soon devolved into minor league wrestling.

As fan attendance waned, however, Louise realized she needed to ramp up the group energy.

"Daddy," (that is me, sitting on the couch watching) "you are the store, and you sell wedgies".

After a moment of continued wrestling and not much being sold at the store, Louise ran upstairs and returned with a stack of toys. "Daddy, you can sell these toys and people will pay for them with wedgies".

At this point the crowd divided into two distinct parties. Garrett and Eliza tentatively lined up at the store entrance, enticed by the toys, but hesitant about the cost of entry. Emily and Louise served as maitre d on commission, seeking to secure sales.

It took only a moment for Garrett's desire to obtain Buzz Lightyear (it's an action figure, NOT a doll) to overcome his nerves. He about-faced and was lifted off the ground, giggling throughout. Eliza, never one to be outdone, stormed in to take his place. Realizing the humor and the lack of pain, they rushed around their table, toy in one hand, ready to get in line again. They did not want their favorite toys being given to others.

The store's life was short-lived, with its founder and principle inspiration finally entering the doors and earning a toy of her own.

Americans are Oversized

On to more pressing issues:

Five-year-old Garrett weighs in at 35.5 lbs and 40.5 inches,

which puts him in the 20% in weight and 10% in height.

BUT WAIT A MINUTE...

these Imperial Growth Charts do not take into account the slighter stature of the Chinese race.

I bet he is thoroughly normal by their standards...

A quick tour through "Chinese Growth Chart" google results and I stand the proud father:

Garrett is 50% in weight and 25% in height.

Very Vaccinated

According to the documents received upon arrival, Garrett had been thoroughly shot up prior to the exchange.

BUT, once setting foot on his new native soil, those who we turn to for such guidance determined that it was best to assume he was not infected with small amounts of TB, Pox, Hep, MMR and the dreaded Tetanus (I know a guy who knew a guy whose mother told him about a boy that she knew when she was a kid who knew someone who had lock-jaw), and to pump his 21 lb soaking wet 2 1/2 year old body with infectious diseases once again. It only cost us a $25 co-pay, so the more shots you got, the better the deal.

And now, 2+ years later, in preparation for K5 this fall, Garrett once again has been pricked. He has been harried since then by a small fever while hobbling all over the house. Early assumptions that he was just milking the situation, but from all attempts to trick him into not limping have failed. I think he is sore. If I was one who gave pity to others, I might call him "pitiful". Fortunately, such considerations are not available in the Bowling house.

Marfus Binyar/translated as Marthas Vineyard

Okay you know how last year we went to Williamsburg VA for summer vacation? this years summer vacation is way more extreme. we are going from our house to Washington DC and from there to an island off the coast of Massachusetts called Martha's vineyard Liza calls it (Marfus Binyar) and we are staying there for 2 weeks. on our way home we are going to Pelham NY and Hershey's Pennsylvania, and Radford Virginia. all in the car and with Alexa. AWESOME!!